June 12, 2008

If I Could Talk To The Animals Every now and then, a Web Site surfaces that goes inexplicably overlooked by the tastemakers of Internet culture - the Kottkes, Filmoculouses, and Metafilters. Somehow, a worthy phenomenon manages to escape the cybermasses hungry for content weird and wild. But not today. Ladies and gentlemen, I eagerly introduce to you Ms. Cynthia Fellowes. How I came across her, I do not remember. But to navigate her site is to navigate the tragic journey of the human spirit, an exodus that will leave you feeling anything but unfulfilled (seriously, you can't go wrong on a site whose homepage looks like Lillian Vernon's bathroom on an acid trip). For starters, a traditional mouse won't do for Cynthia Fellowes, whose site comes replete with a butterfly that accompanies your scrolling arrow. Perhaps the allusion to animals is intentional for a reason besides the fact that she is quite obviously all about "spirituality" (in, of course, the most accessible, consumer-friendly form - think Loreenna McKennitt, semi-sheer scarves, and a bumper sticker that reads, "Just Breathe"). Fellowes, as it turns out, is an "animal communicator," which means she speaks to animals both alive and dead, relaying their emotions to the public. So when Fido is caught eating his own feces, Cynthia Fellowes will be able to translate to you just exactly what he's trying to say. In fact, she's been on television and radio and is even available for private parties and corporate events. Guinea pig seance, you guys? But the fun doesn't stop there. Cynthia Fellowes is also a prosperity coach! And an eBay merchant. And an actress. (In fact, if her face looks familiar, you probably saw the Off-Off Broadway production of I'm Zsa Zsa, in which Cynthia played the role of "Ann.") This is why I love the Internet: if you need an unbiased review on a restaurant, you go to Yelp. If you need to find vintage footage, you go to YouTube. If you're looking for someone to sell you dishtowels while simultaneously teaching you how to save money, all before helping you understand why your Welsh Corgi feels taken for granted, you go to Cynthia Fellowes (and, if you're lucky, she may even throw in a monologue from Steel Magnolias [seriously, Southern accents are her specialty according to her resume]). Below, enjoy my friend Dave Hill's amazing interview with Fellowes:
Fck Tumblr I can't even find time to update my old baby blog, much less the one on the cool train I so hesitantly boarded and fell asleep on. And every time I return to Typepad, I don't even recognize the interface. It's like Typepad went through puberty and I was spared the awkward stage where it's greasy and smells weird. I'm so damn brizzy, but in a good way. I fled my TV job of which I grew tired quickly. Somehow, I've managed to parlay writing about David Gest and Black Pigpen into a full-time writing gig (freelancing full time, that is). And it's amazing, albeit surprisingly exhausting. But as any resident of literary/dykey Park Slope, Brooklyn should, I have voluntarily joined the laptop army, busting out blog posts from neighborhood coffee shops not cheap enough to charge $6 for a one-time session of WiFi use (I used to love your foamy chai latte, Ozzie's, until your penny-pinching left a sour taste in my mouth). I will definitely try to reclaim my home territory and pump out some more insane warbling here on Fast Hugs, but in the meantime, you can catch up with me at the following sites: 23/6 where I write political humor (that being said, I don't do it too often because...um...I like Barack. The end?) The Apiary, where I write interviews and features about the alternative comedy scene in New York Buzzfeed, where I'm a "trendhunter" on the prowl for all things worthy of your attention Best Week Ever, where I'm still a member of the Bloggers Action Network Gay Men's Social Crisis, where I express my disdain for gay dudes other than, like, my 3 gay dude friends Psychopedia, where I write about New York stuff ("and it got me to thinking...do men have the upper hand in the game set match point blah blah fucking blah pink manolos cosmos sex") Tilzy.tv, where I write about TV on teh tubez Urlesque, where I'm always on the hunt for the weirdest stuff that ever happened online Oh, and I got a dog! He's a 4 year old schnauzer/shih tzu mix named Atticus, and he's obssesed with me. I rescued him from a crazy awesome lady who has 25 dogs in her house. (She can't afford it, but then again, who can afford housing 25 dogs?) Anyway, have a great summer! Sorry we didn't get to know each other better 6-:

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