October 19, 2006

Red: Good, AIDS: Bad

This past month, The Gap introduced a limited collection of clothing and accessories for men and women designed to "help eliminate AIDS in Africa."  Half the profit from PRODUCT RED will go to The Global Fund to finance programs that help women and children affected by HIV/AIDS in Africa.  And that's fantastic.  However, the ad campaign of portraits by Annie Leibovitz, might raise awareness less about the African AIDS crisis and more about...other stuff...

Shall we?

Mjb_1916_all

"No more pain, no more fear, no more drama, NO MORE AIDS!  I'm wearing red, my eyes are shut, and one of my necklaces is a peace sign!  But guess what, AIDS?  I'm not gon' cry!  AIDS is whack!  Some think my being titled 'The Queen of Hip Hop Soul' is whack, as well, because my strained, throaty singing isn't necessarily pleasant to everyone, but guess what?  I'm NOT GON' CRY!  ...But AIDS will.  Cry, AIDS, cry."

Don_1919_all

With all due respect, Don Cheadle might want to save the strip show for a different photo shoot.  Seriously, AIDS has not gone away, and as much as we like to think it has, we'd be lying to ourselves if...Oh my God, look at those GUNS!  His bicep looks like a goiter, and I mean that in the most complimentary way possible!  Honestly, what do you think he benches?  If I were to guess 200 pounds, would you think I were crazy?  I don't even think it would sound crazy.  ...Man, who knew, right?  Who knew?  *Sigh* ... What were we talking about?  What's up?

Apolo_1910_all

After a little research, I learned that this fella was Olympics star Apolo Ohno.  And, yes, he's skating against AIDS, the li'l dreamboat.

Chris_1918_all_1

As someone who never found Chris Rock to be especially witty, despite the critical praise in which he bathes, I must say that he's really surprised me here.  Not only is Rock making a statement by wearing apparel from PRODUCT RED, but he's also being comical by mocking the mentally ill!  The old strait jacket gag never gets old ("I'm CRAAAAZY!")  Oh, and fight AIDS!
Jen_1921_all

Hey, Africa!  Guess what?  Jennifer Garner has a message for you, and that message is:  "Stop having unprotected sex!   That's why you got AIDS in the first place, silly nation!  Instead of hooking up with the diseased, masturbate to photos like this one, where my privates are shadowed beneath my healthy Caucasian glow!  Even if you're not into girls whose faces look like those of disabled adolescent boys, I guarantee you'll feel better!  Keep it real, homies!"
Christy_1914_all_1

Supermodel Christy Turlington strikes the "spiritual pose."  Here, she's photographed in a sexy off-the-shoulder, red one-piece meant to remind us that sexy, off-the-shoulder, red one-pieces may serve as why AIDS spreads in the first place.  And the nipples?  Those are meant to imply that she's cold.
Dakota_1920_all_1

I'm pretty sure it's a safe assessment to say that Dakota Fanning is unanimously considered disgusting.  I realize that she's a kid (although I can't figure out it she's seven, twelve, or thirty five), but that air of Not-Yet-Damaged Child Star rings strong here, as the "casual" pose she strikes here seems to say, "Sup, y'all?  ...Oh, not much.  Just hangin' out, fighting AIDS...just hangin' out.  Watchin' Degrassi."  It's annoying.

Oct 19, 2006 11:43:04 AM | Marbles

2 Comments

Lauren

Brilliant! Maybe "Back in Black" (with Audrey Hepburn) and "Product Red" are Gap's kick-off to a new project in which they will attempt to train America to associate every single color with one of their retarded ad campaigns.

Posted by: Lauren | October 20, 2006 at 12:07 PM

Rich Whitewomen

Re: Dakota Fanning seeming disgusting. Check out http://ithacahasgorges.com and change your mind!

Posted by: Rich Whitewomen | October 23, 2006 at 03:31 AM

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The Awesomest Hobo There Ever Was Public transportation is no simple matter to me. Whether traveling by train, plane, bus, or car, there is always a certain neuroses in check. On both the Long Island Rail Road and the New York City subway, I constantly try to monitor which car will make my ride least uncomfortable. What do I look for as the train arrives? Considering that the subway never leaves much time, I make snap decisions based on whether anyone is fanning themselves (broken air conditioning?), a cluster of seats is empty on a busy train (smelly drunk passed out in adjacent seat?), or if a panhandler is performing tunes on his fiddle (a panhandler is performing "tunes" on his fiddle). The Long Island Rail Road isn't much different, except that the main targets of which to beware tend to be JAPs on cell phones, Carmine Gotti lookalikes, and chatty Moms going to or coming from a Menopause! The Musical matinee. Personally, I'm a big fan of the 'bos. 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