In this installment of the How Can I Tell If I'm Really In Love series, Justine Bateman really comes into her own here, proving that she's not just an actress, but also a part-time divorce attorney.
"If you can have it up here, shoot for it." Wise words, Bateman, wise words. And what could be more irresistible than a soft, freckled lad condoning being a man-ho or "being practical"?
Answer: Justine's sisterly scolding, naturally.
Holy shit! Heidi took a break from playing acoustic guitar under the oak tree to film this nonsense?
One way to get out of a relationship: "Stay away from the person. Ignore them, if you will." But where, Alex, will you stick the wet raisin you call a penis? There are no loopholes, dude. Except cheating, of course, which Alex defines as allowing one to "change focus from one person to another." Did she actually buy that?
Kristen's a "cynic." And that's why she sits so far away from the camera.
"Me, do the laundry? I'm in love!" If Dr. Sol can dream up this retarded an example, you have to wonder if his patients would be the same people to get an HIV test administered by Bill Frist ("Have you cried in the last month?").
"When I'm with somebody I love, I feel good." I have a feeling that left on the cutting room floor was a clip in which this kid began to describe the grandest gesture of love as "cutting a hole in a box."
I wonder...if I were a student at a posh Los Angeles high school in 1986, could I, too, get someone to sneak into Bea Arthur's dressing room on the NBC lot...
Until next time...
Sorry, Anastascia. I almost forgot: Praise Jesus!