Every now and then, a Web Site surfaces that goes inexplicably overlooked by the tastemakers of Internet culture - the Kottkes, Filmoculouses, and Metafilters. Somehow, a worthy phenomenon manages to escape the cybermasses hungry for content weird and wild.
But not today.
Ladies and gentlemen, I eagerly introduce to you Ms. Cynthia Fellowes.
How I came across her, I do not remember. But to navigate her site is to navigate the tragic journey of the human spirit, an exodus that will leave you feeling anything but unfulfilled (seriously, you can't go wrong on a site whose homepage looks like Lillian Vernon's bathroom on an acid trip).
For starters, a traditional mouse won't do for Cynthia Fellowes, whose site comes replete with a butterfly that accompanies your scrolling arrow. Perhaps the allusion to animals is intentional for a reason besides the fact that she is quite obviously all about "spirituality" (in, of course, the most accessible, consumer-friendly form - think Loreenna McKennitt, semi-sheer scarves, and a bumper sticker that reads, "Just Breathe"). Fellowes, as it turns out, is an "animal communicator," which means she speaks to animals both alive and dead, relaying their emotions to the public. So when Fido is caught eating his own feces, Cynthia Fellowes will be able to translate to you just exactly what he's trying to say. In fact, she's been on television and radio and is even available for private parties and corporate events. Guinea pig seance, you guys?
But the fun doesn't stop there. Cynthia Fellowes is also a prosperity coach!
And an eBay merchant.
And an actress. (In fact, if her face looks familiar, you probably saw the Off-Off Broadway production of I'm Zsa Zsa, in which Cynthia played the role of "Ann.")
This is why I love the Internet: if you need an unbiased review on a restaurant, you go to Yelp. If you need to find vintage footage, you go to YouTube. If you're looking for someone to sell you dishtowels while simultaneously teaching you how to save money, all before helping you understand why your Welsh Corgi feels taken for granted, you go to Cynthia Fellowes (and, if you're lucky, she may even throw in a monologue from Steel Magnolias [seriously, Southern accents are her specialty according to her resume]).
Below, enjoy my friend Dave Hill's amazing interview with Fellowes: