How 'Sex' Ruined New York

2nd Avenue Deli.  CBGB's.  The Atlantic Yards.  Tower Records.  The Bottom Line.  The Astor Place parking lot.  And now Rose's Turn (which, I should add, I've never had much interest in frequenting, although its credit is due in its stature as a downtown landmark).

Having only lived in New York post-high school (that makes six years), I've seen my share of gentrification.  Although I know that I very well have something to do with it (I mean, hell, I am a college-educated Jew with Kiehl's herbal cleanser and a subscription to Wired), I'm not necessarily waxing nostalgic for the days when crime and poverty were rampant, either (I had good reason as a kid to make sure all the car doors were locked when the squeegee guys lurked at the head of the Manhattan Bridge).  But the plasticizing of New York has become terribly evident in the ubiquitous spoiled, excessive behavior exhibited by the young, rich, and douchey. 

These princes and princesses are, indeed, turning neighborhoods once defined by cultural freshness laid by the newly-settled immigrants into amusement parks for the excessively wealthy and materialistic.  Again, I'm not saying I've never been inside a Starbucks, eCommerce, or Pinkberry (fuck you, I love soft-serve ice cream and the taste of vanilla yogurt - sue me!).  But the trust-fund babies had to be tickled into the idea of moving to New York somehow or another, and - for a very select, yet extremely prevalent female majority of these post-millennial yuppies - the source of their action comes, I firmly believe, in the form of four wildly influential, colorfully fictionalized characters on a certain HBO series.

I get it, ladies.  You're wealthy (even if you pretend you aren't), you're successful (even if we never see you work),  and you're attractive (not so fast, Square Pegs!).  But ever since you started describing yourself as "fabulous" in every episode of Sex & The City, you quickly became the sassy, feather boa-draped fantasy of many-a suburban girl, swiftly convincing them that Manhattan was The Place To Be for wannabe sex columnists/sluts.  Realistically, would anyone have guessed that one show - on pay cable, nevertheless! - would persuade a nation of American girls to dress like retarded nymphs and warmly embrace dialogue that sounds as if it were written by Neil Simon on a Luna Bar bender?

Well, no.  But it happened.

They're here, and they own the city.  They come in the form of whiny PR girls in giant sunglasses, short skirts and ballet flats.  They've singlehandedly turned the image strong-willed, driven New York femininity (Susan Sontag, Rhoda Morganstern) into that of a flitty, pouty fairy (Julia Allison, Tinsley Mortimer, Michelle Tanner squared).  They can be found downtown, after midnight, patronizing bodega cashiers as they fumble to pay for a candy bar before linking arms with their girls to continue another "crazy" night downtown.  They read chick lit without shame, they talk like exhausted gay men, and their cocktail of choice must match the shade of their halter top.

Unfortunately, it's likely too late to win the battle.  For every New York dweller who brings to mind the Buchmans on Mad About You (normal, middle-class, mildly annoying in unflattering denim), there are now three Carrie Bradshaws.  So, rats, take note: until you start chain-smoking while pondering the validity of stupid fucking puns about your coital desires, steer clear of the young, pesky, and plastic.

Comments

[emily]

i think the entire rent of the lower east side and williamsburg is paid for by parents from connecticut

[andy]

eh... they all run on gas. and gas is running out. :)

[emily]

Oh my god, is this right on. Living in Chicago, I see daily watered-down and after-the-fact permutations of this trend all over the post-college club-scene neighborhoods, and it makes me barf.

Women used to be smart. Or at least want to act that way. Ever since they saw that the only thing being smart got you was the slot in the hot friend group reserved for Cynthia Nixon, the tide has turned.

[Andrew]

Liked it. Well done.

[Brandy]

What's worse, is that this bunch is a second wave of 'em. When the show was still on the air, I made the mistake of moving to NYC and not owning a nameplate necklace. Oh, the horror! After a few years, however, it seemed like all the Carrie-wanna-bes beat it. But now all the pre-teens who snuck to watch it on HBO way back when are transferring to school here and getting Conde' Nast internships and making me want to kick them as they pretend to eat tofu and whine about their Tory Burch flats. Never fear, Eliot, they'll thin out for a while...until the third wave of them comes in, thanks to the TBS syndication. Ugh.

[cole]

why are you hipsters so annoyed by this show? The S&TC watches are not the ones taking over the LES . Its the annoying hister "Im too cool to watch S&TC" who are taking over.

[AB]

Well Said.

[giantmonster]

spot on! but don't self-absorbed middle-income-to-wealthy people ruin everything, regardless of what tv show they emulate?

[Jordan]

yea, i know, i hate women too

[Billy P]

I think an HBO show about Susan Sontag's sex life would have rocked the Casbah.

[mikers]

i've been saying the same thing in your article for years!!

Bravo!!!!

[Roger]

From the perspective of guy who's lived much of his life in New York City since the 1960's, it's really sad - and it just plain pisses me off - to see the culture of the last city/holdout of resistance to New World Order blandness and dumbed downness being ruined by a bunch of self-centered, self-indulgent people, aided and abetted by greedy developers and landlords.

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