August 21, 2006

Miss July's Pubic Hair And there you have it: The Brooklyn Calendar Girls. Chosen for no reason other than the fact that they, indeed, live in Brooklyn, and possess both mediocre intelligence and looks! Thank you to the masterminds who created this "company," and for taking such unsuspecting young ladies and giving them the chance to...pose like skanks. Following in the footsteps of other collective young females in the inherited position of Role Model to younger girls, the BCG make sure to also focus their talent toward a helping good cause: PARTIES! If someone were to ask me to pick a favorite Brooklyn Calender Girl, I don't know who I'd choose. I mean, I really like Jeannette because she, much like myself, hates girls who are "fake" or consider themselves "the shiz." (Plus, she's Italian, which is the first question I'd ask, too.) Sandra's pretty awesome, as well, because even though she's an aspiring professor of Human Sexuality, her pose totally invites rape! And, besides, what's cuter than an impassioned academic who misspells "you're"? As a "lover of the arts," Monifa is a big fan of American Pie, which is weird because I've always thought of Jason Biggs as the Jack Klugman of my generation. Yadira personally hates "jealousy and phoniness" and Meaghan only has one kidney, but I think my favorite Brooklyn Calendar Girl has to be Anna K. because she looks like Scarlett Johansson if Scarlett Johansson were swallowed by Brooke Hogan. It's not clear whether she's, as she says, a "party animal baby" or whether she forgot the comma between "animal" and "baby." If it's the former, then she is one hot-ass baby! Anna K. is clearly a complex person, as well, as she's both an "animal lover" but "not against fur." And who can avoid a person * * ToTaLLy C*r*A*z*e*E* * enough to admittedly "dance on bars" and "brush [her] teeth in the shower"? As she says herself, Anna K. is, indeed, a "free spirit," but maintains her lifestyle without "really caring about much." Who could say no to that? Ladies, if you live in the borough, know that the Brooklyn Calender Girls are conducting a CASTING CALL! If you do, in fact, manage to wow the "panel of judges" with your style, grace, and photos (which don't necessarily need to be "professional," so you can print out the pictures from your MySpace profile of that guy from Mill Basin doing jello shots off your belly), perhaps you, too, will find yourself swept up in the glamor, not long before finding yourself in the arms of Prince Charming:

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